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A few weeks ago I missed my flight. Bummer, yes. I know.
I was on my way back home from a mini-vacation and I missed my flight. I was devastated. You're probably wondering why I would be devastated to spend one more day enjoying my vacation -- well, my job. My job was the reason why I was devastated.
All I could think about was the workload I left for others to maintain while I was away and how much the team needs me. I cried. I cried tears of frustration. I felt as if I was letting my team down. All I could think about was how my team will be suffering without me, but not once did I think about myself.
My mini-vacation was the best thing I could have done for myself, mentally. But the moment I missed my flight a rush of anxiety came over me. I didn't realize it then, but I am a people pleaser. I tend to put the feelings of others before my own and I'm always willing to make sure everyone else is okay even if that means neglecting myself. I didn't recognize this about myself until I looked up the definition and found an article that I 100% identify with.
It sucks. I genuinely care about others, but sometimes my level of care can hurt me. If I'm constantly putting others before myself, then I don't have the time or energy to take care of myself. Emotionally and mentally, my people-pleasing tendencies have taken a toll on me. I find myself second-guessing my feelings and thoughts about situations because I'm worried about how someone else will feel. Even though it's considerate to think about others, prioritizing my feelings first is also considerate. I believe that I've shown in the past that I'm willing to do anything for people that it's become the norm and that is what others expect of me with no questions asked.
At work, if a task needs to be done I'm always the person who gets voluntold because I don't complain about the workload, even though I'm drowning in other tasks and I can't juggle anything else. Or if someone is requesting something of me I tend to always say yes out of fear that I don't want to hurt their feelings or reject them. But I'm exhausted. It's draining being everything to everyone! What's even more draining is when you finally speak your truth and those around you can't understand why your response to them isn't an instant yes. Now, you're left trying to figure out if you said something wrong, and you're going through all of the things you wish you could have said instead, all to still feel guilty for being honest.
That's NOT okay. I haven't mastered how to stop people-pleasing, but I do know that I cannot control the feelings and reactions of others. If I'm being my true authentic self and prioritizing myself and it upsets someone else, then that's not on me to dwell on. If you're doing what's best for you please don't allow the opinions or thoughts of others to hinder you from doing so.
Not everyone is going to understand, and it's not for you to worry about. I'm also learning that boundaries are necessary! At work, instead of taking on multiple tasks, I ask for help! It's rare that I ask for help, but in order for me to perform my job well, I must learn how to accept assistance when necessary. In my relationships, I'm being more honest about how I feel, which in the long run increases effective communication. If you believe you are a people pleaser you are not alone. You have a generous heart and are kind, and those are great qualities to have! But you must take care of yourself too. A good friend of mine said, "It’s tough! But God walks with us through it, and with Him, we don’t have to feel bad about the decisions we make when we look to His Spirit for guidance and are seeking to love people well. He didn’t make us desire pleasing other people more than we desire to be true to Him and what He’s asked of us." We are never alone, God is with us. If you're struggling with people-pleasing then I encourage you to seek the Lord. He will reveal to you how you can be kind and generous and not neglect yourself and still be the woman He's called you to be! We are one of God's most greatest creations, He will not steer us, His children, wrong. My prayer is that those of us who are struggling right now with people-pleasing take the time we need for ourselves. Rediscover ourselves, do things we love unapologetically, and love ourselves to the fullest! I'm rooting for you!
